Extreme Ways
by Hiroshi-kun31
Summary: In which America uses a discovery as a ploy to get England for some bonding time. USxUK, GermanyxItaly hints at least Features Mochi!America.


Title: Extreme Ways

Prompt: "To the Batmobile, Robin!"

A/N: This was written for the 2009 Spring Fever in the LJ comm, usxuk. I had fun writing this though I still manage to feel like a lazy arse.. I wish though that I was able to make this longer. Oh well. I dedicate this to those bloody gits who are in China (You Liet, Tiff, Esophagus, Kiampung, Yannie, BG and the the others; DON'T FORGET MY INSTANT NOODLES AND ANIME STUFF!!), to Granny and Great Granny (Though she'll probably never read this cuz it's in anime~ =3= ), LimitedVocab (hi!! I miss you!!), and to all the readers! Wow... anyhow, this was long. I hope you all enjoy and that thanks for reading, mate! xD I apologize for any errors.

Disclaimer: If I owned Hetalia, I'd basically somehow own the world in an odd way. :)

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During one UN meeting, America came striding into the room with a huge grin one his face and a large box in his arms. Everyone wondered what was inside the box as America placed it in the middle of the table before placing his arms behind him and strode over to his place not bothering to sit down.

All the nations watched the box with caution and curiosity. The room was filled with a tense atmosphere and silence. No one took their eyes off the box fearing that it was something bad when suddenly it shook. People screamed and some clung to the nearest person beside them. Italy instantly jumped onto Germany's lap while Sealand took this chance and snuck into the room and hid behind Latvia who was shaking.

"ATTENTION!!" yelled America standing up on the table. Everyone stopped screaming and turned their attention at the blonde-haired nation. He grinned widely before clearing his throat and then he started pacing on top of the table as he spoke.

"I'm sure you're all wondering what is in that box!" He said pointing to the box. A few nodded. This made him grin wider. "You see, that my friends, that is a very, very, very interesting specimen that me and my friend, Tony, discovered."

He stopped and looked around to see everyone's reactions. Most of the nations looked confused. He raised an eyebrow. "Come on guys," he said trying to clear up who Tony was, "You know, Tony the alien?" Some looked skeptical. He scowled then pointed to Lithuania who looked surprised and worried as to why he was being singled out. "Liet met him, and so did Iggy."

Everyone looked at the two. Lithuania nodded and England merely scowled as he remembered meeting the damn extra terrestrial. America continued. "This specimen is the only of its kind. We're not even sure if it could reproduce but this is truly an unbelievable discovery!" He paused letting his words sink in. After what seemed like a long time, America walked closer to the box and opened the lid and placed his hands in.

Sudden intakes of oxygen could be heard around various places in the room. "And now, I present you, America-blob!!" announced America dramatically lifting the blob up from the box with both of his hands and up high in the air so that everyone could see. It had had blue eyes, and a small pair of glasses and a mouth that curled up at the ends and that same flick of blonde hair that their owner has. There were people who gasped and some screamed a bit as well as some "ooh"s and "ahh"s until England suddenly spoke up.

"What the bloody hell is that?" he said deadpanned with a look of disbelief on his face. Oh where, oh where did he go wrong with that boy? America beamed at him as if what England just said was the kind of reaction he was looking for except for the deadpanned part. That was supposed to be enthusiasm but you can't have everything now, could you?

"That," he said pointing at England, "Is a very good question!" England blinked and considered telling the git that it was rude to point at someone but before he could say anything, America began speaking again.

"This, my friends is a creature which we're not really sure if made of but has a consistency of jelly and or fat!" he said walking around the table again ignoring the papers and mugs that he stepped on and nearly knocked over and hit. As if to prove his point, he poked and prodded it causing it to jiggle and wobble. It also let out a loud 'meep'. Someone scuffled and squeaked. The blob-holding nation ignored this.

"Also, we discovered that it is somewhat indestructible and likes to eat lots and lots of lettuce." he finished but added with a grin, "We also have no absolute idea in hell as to how it will mate or reproduce."

Silence befell the room. Outside the window, one could hear the soft rustling of the leaves against the glass and wind blowing around. The silence was broken with the younger Italy raising his hand up and crying out, "Ve~ ve~ I have a question!"

"Go ahead!" America said glowing with the pride of discovery.

"Can I feed it?" he said smiling in a sort of really cute way like a puppy who was asking for something that you can't really help but give it to them so you wouldn't make them sad. America shrugged and reached into his jacket's pocket and taking out a big bag filled up with lettuce. He handed it to Italy who excitedly went over to the American and took a lettuce out of the bag and coaxed the blob into eating some.

The blob seemed to be sniffing it before he started nibbling the piece of vegetable from the other nation's hand. Italy looked happy. Korea hopped over from beside China and watched the blob eat. "Can I feed it too?" he asked holding his hand out. America nodded handing him a lettuce. The Asian took it saying thanks before adding that lettuce originated from him.

Soon the other nations stood up and asked America if they could feed the creature as well. America felt happy about all this as he handed a piece of lettuce to everyone. He placed the blob on top of the table where it was happily nibbling on all the veggies that were being offered to it. As America watched everyone interacting with his discovery, he noticed that someone was missing.

Alas, he spotted England still in his seat watching everyone else with a conflicted sort of expression on his face. He approached the older nation and tapped him lightly on the shoulder. England turned his head around and came face to face with America.

"Hey Iggy!" he said cheerfully. England scowled. America took the empty seat beside him and sat down now turning his gaze at the rest of the world. "So what 'cha think of my latest discovery?" he asked somewhat smugly folding his arms across his chest. England scoffed.

"That discovery of yours seems like a bloody joke." he said blatantly. America suddenly felt his happiness meter go down. England must've noticed that too because he hastily added, "But… it might be somewhat useful…"

America felt himself feel better again. He beamed at England. The English-speaking nation scowled and blushed a bit. "Come on," America said taking a piece of lettuce out of his pocket and handing it to England. "I bet you that you actually want to feed it too!"

"N-no, I don't!" stammered England holding onto the vegetable given to him. America raised an eyebrow. Before America could say anything, a loud sound was heard from the group of people feeding the blob. America rushed out of his seat and pushed his way to the front to see what happened. The blob looked like it was in pain as its body shook violently. America turned his head around and looked at everyone. "What the hell did you guys do to it!?" he yelled out as worry filled his eyes.

England stood up on his seat to see what the commotion was all about. He could hear Alfred's yells and the other nations answers of "We just fed it!" and "What's happening to blob-kun?"

He could also see bits of the blob convulsing. As he held onto the piece of lettuce, he silently hoped that nothing bad would happen.

As America tried to listen to everyone's explanations he suddenly felt the table behind him stop shaking. He immediately turned around ignoring everyone else. He focused his attention on the blob as it just started wiggling. He raised his eyebrows. Everyone seemed to have quieted down as they also watched the blob wiggle. England was still standing up from his chair to watch the events though he was contemplating on whether he should just join the crowd or not.

As the blob wiggled it looked like it was in pain. America was about to reach for his mobile phone to contact Tony to ask about Mochimerica when the blob slowly split into two. He stared at the two blobs looking at all of them when both of it split into four blobs, then those four blobs splitting again and again until the table was brimming with blobs. All of them look flabbergasted.

England was staring at one that seemed to have bounced over without anyone noticing it. It stared at him and at the vegetable at his hand. The Brit didn't know whether he was supposed to give it to it or not. Instead, it decided that it wanted the lettuce regardless if England was going to give it or not, jumped and bit onto the lettuce. England immediately let go it with a yelp. He lost his balance and fell onto the ground on his bum.

The blob was nibbling on the food happily as England stood up, cursed a bit and rubbed his sore arse. As soon as the blob finished, it began shaking like the original one. It was reproducing again. England's eyes widened as it began multiplying.

France noticed something going on and saw the pile of blobs that began multiplying around England. "Le Anglettere! What did you do!?" he cried out causing others to turn and see the blobs growing more and more in numbers.

"It stole the lettuce the git gave me!" He answered backing against the wall away from the creatures. "Uwaaaahh!!" cried out Sealand as he stared at horror and pointed at the original group of blobs. They seemed to have been encouraged by England's blobs to multiply again.

America was starting to panic. He didn't know what to do. It wasn't supposed to be like this! Then like a lightning bolt, an idea struck him. He pushed and made his way to England who was beginning to feel somehow violated by all the blobs that were climbing up him. He removed the blobs and grabbed the shorter man, yelling "To the Batmobile, Robin!" To which England merely replied with a "You sod! My bloody name is Arthur!"

They both quickly got out the room leaving the other countries to deal with the cute monstrosities. Italy began crying and saying that he was too young to be eaten by monsters while others began wondering if the American meant to rule the world this way until America called Germany's phone.

"Hey Germany!"

"Get back here and fix your mess, America!" barked Germany into the phone.

"Take care of 'em while me and Iggy here go back to my place and bring Tony with us, 'kay?"

And before Germany could say anything the line went dead. He sighed as he rubbed his temples. Everyone looked at him expecting an answer, preferably a solution this growing problem. He cleared his throat and spoke.

"He said to take care of them while he fetches his alien." he announced. Several people broke out in protest and anger while some remained silent as they watched the blobs continue multiplying. "Now," Germany signaled for them to be quiet, "We're all going to evacuate properly and seal off this room." And with that, everyone ran to the huge oak doors and went out. Once they made sure that only the blobs were left inside, they sealed the door shut making sure nothing could get out.

"Phew… That's over." said Prussia as he leaned against the wall. Switzerland was busy talking to himself as he wiped his gun and muttered about shooting America. Germany looked at everyone and silently congratulated himself for being able to successfully contain the problem when Italy tugged at his suit jacket with a worried expression on his face.

"Ve~ Germany, do you have any lettuce?" asked Italy who looked as if he was cradling something inside his jacket.

"No…" began Germany when his eyes suddenly widened. He gripped Italy's shoulders tightly causing the Italian to whimper a bit. "What did you do, Italy?" Germany asked hoping that the shorter man didn't do what he think he did.

Italy bit his lower lip and looked guilty. He opened his jacket to reveal a grinning Mochimerica. Germany looked like he was about to explode. "But he looked so sad…" Italy said sadly patting the blob. Then the blob began shaking again and all hell broke loose when Italy dropped it on the floor with a squeak and people noticed it and began screaming.

The blob began multiplying again.

Soon the entire UN building was sealed off, allowing no one to come in or get out. The rest of the world was trapped inside with the soft balls as they stayed stranded in one of the structure's many rooms.

_Meanwhile…_

As America and England drove off supposedly to Alfred's house, England turned to Alfred who was driving while he drank from a huge plastic cup with a lid that was filled with soda that they got from a drive-thru along with a burger meal and fries.

"America…" England started. America turned the steering wheel and pulled over before turning his attention to England.

"Where exactly are we going?" said England staring at America hard. The only reply he got was a long and loud slurp. This irritated England causing an eye to twitch.

"You idiot! Answer me!" England yelled. America placed his cup in the cup holder and cleared his throat before talking.

"To my place." said America simply as if it was obvious.

"B-but," stuttered England blinking, "This isn't the way to your house, as in the one with the alien…" America chuckled.

"We're going to my home in Virginia."

"But why?" England said looking confused. "Weren't we supposed to help the others?"

America waved his hand. "Nah. Don't need to. Those blobs will be gone in seven hours or so." he explained as he bit into his burger. England's eyes widened.

"But I thought you knew nothing more about those… things?" said England as he inwardly cringed as he remembered them piling on him. He shuddered.

"I lied." Came the reply along with another loud slurp. England was torn between smacking himself or America. What the hell was wrong with that damn boy!?

"What for?" England's eyes turned into slits.

Suddenly America leaned close to England. Close enough that they could feel each other's breaths on their face. England could feel his cheeks starting to heat up.

"So that I could spend more time with you." answered America leaning closer. The cup still in his hand. England pushed himself against the door. Then suddenly America pulled back with a grin.

"Also you," he said pointing to England, "Need a vacation. Plus I wanna escape all those damn paperwork."

England seemed like he was going to faint anytime soon. He was as red as a tomato. America looked at him and pinched his cheek. England looked surprised.

"You look so cute!" crooned America before ducking England's fist and returning back to driving. England just sat back in his seat silently fuming as America turned on the radio and sang along to it while driving.

_Back in the UN building. Seven hours later…_

As France leaned against the door to listen for those adorable abominations meep around. It suddenly stopped. "Everyone!" he signaled for their attention. Everyone looked at him. "It has finally stopped!"

Before anyone could start cheering, Germany stepped up and went over to the door and opened it slowly. He poked his head out to check if the blobs were truly gone. The halls were empty. The only sounds that could be heard were from the nations themselves and the police standing guard outside the building.

"It's clear!" Germany yelled out. Everyone cheered and hugged each other. Some were crying. There were even others who kneeled onto the ground and kissed it. They survived! As everyone made their way outside where there were medics and authorities waiting for them, they all had the same thought. They were going to kill America the next time they saw him.

_In the car…_

America sneezed as he drove while England was asleep constantly tossing and turning all the while mumbling about how terrible everything was. He sighed and resigned himself to driving through the night.

_Back in America's house…_

Tony the alien was sitting in America's couch watching TV while petting the blue-eyed, glasses-wearing blob beside him that was nibbling on a lettuce.


End file.
